


The Witch's House

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcoholism, Characters to be added, F/F, Humanstuck, Rating may go up, Tags to be added, Witch AU, magical au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26491720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: While working one afternoon, Rose Lalonde overhears gossip that a witch has moved to town.
Relationships: Relationships to be added
Kudos: 3
Collections: Anonymous





	The Witch's House

**Author's Note:**

> Will proofread later.

Once upon a time, in the far away land of upstate New York and the distant time of 2015, there was an absurdly large house in the middle of the woods. The house is secluded from the nearest city, about 20 minutes by car, which the youngest resident of the house is prone to take in order to escape the solitude contained by her house's massive walls.

You see, this house has two residents: a young woman by the name of Rose Lalonde, and her mother.

As a child, Rose would have been described as bright if anyone had bothered to describe her. Unfortunately she was homeschooled, and being alone in the woods ensured that no one in the neighboring town had any chance to get to know her back then. Still, despite the isolation, her mother believed she had what it took to teach a child with all of the scientific and literary knowledge that she had already possessed. She had failed to consider her own alcoholism in this decision, but a Lalonde is nothing if not resilient. It is hard to say if this had been a mistake: one could argue that Rose has suffered greatly for her time spent secluded with her mother; however, there's no way of telling what she would be like if this was not the case.

Rose certainly had no interest in entertaining the concept. As she grew older, surrounded by boring great American novels, strange occult horror collections, psychology textbooks, and Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia, Rose developed a very inquisitive nature and the ability to ask the right questions (a much more complicated feat than it sounds).

And yet, the outside world escapes her. It isn't noticeable at first, the loneliness. She thinks about it sometimes, how her friends exist through the internet rather than real life. How her ability to talk to people in real life is stunted, others smiling awkwardly as she stares at them a bit too long and asks questions she didn't realize were so personal. How her mother is constantly in her laboratory, some ways away from the house. Rose wanders the halls of a house much too big for two people, filled to the brim with ridiculous statues of old men, as if that somehow compensates for the lack of other residents.

Every night Rose receives a call from her brother, who now lives on the other side of the country. He tells her about university, and the new friends he has made. She gleams a secret crush, and teases him about it. She resents his new found freedom, but she would never say.

Instead, Rose Lalonde, twenty years old, stays in her hometown, working at a diner. It is possible for her to leave for a bigger city and attend school, but she reasons with herself: what would happen to mom? Her mother is distant and quite insane, only emphasized by her drunkenness. How much worse would she be if her daughter was not there to help her to her bed after she's passed out on the stairs? Who would ensure she eats and drinks water after she's spent hours staring into space, unresponsive until Rose shakes her out of it?

While her mother's behavior may have left her with no real companionship and almost nothing to do for twenty years, she couldn't bear to leave her on her own. And so, Rose has stayed in a quiet town in rural New York, riding her bicycle to and from the diner to her house. For a year she has served patrons at work, listening to local high schoolers and gossiping old ladies, while she knits between shifts. The most mundane routine for someone who lives in such odd circumstances.

Nothing interesting happens in this town, it seems. Even the local gossip consists of immature residents who insult their neighbors behind their back.

Then one day, a witch moves in.

"Are you sure she's a witch?" Asked a small girl, who Rose recognizes as a local high school attendee. She had short curly hair and freckles painted in eyeliner pencil on her rather pale and rather ruddy face, to compliment the fake whiskers she had glued over them. Rose always suspected that her fashion doesn't go over very well at her school, but she was never provided evidence of such a thing.

The cat themed girl and two of her friends were sitting at their usual booth, at the side of the restaurant by the counter. There were ten of them in all, and they came and went in different combinations. Rose finds them most often around Lunch, or after school lets out.

Today the cat girl was talking to a girl with dark skin and an abundance of hair, spilling all over the table and threatening to fall into his ketchup covered french fries. She loudly exclaims "yes of COURSE she's a witch! You should see her house, she only moved in last April but now there's a huge garden there! Remember how abandoned that house was?"

"Practically condemned," states their third friend, who is staring directly at Rose above their glasses. Rose ducks her head back down to her book, but she does not process the words on the page.

The diner is empty besides the teens, and the girl with the Hair's delighted voice nearly echos in the large dining room. "Karkat's been watching her house, he says that kids have been trying to upset her flowers. He says she's really nice, though!"

"He hasn't talked to her," interrupts the one with the glasses, "he just watches her house like a creep. Eventually he's going to be shot down like a duck when he rings her doorbell with an engagement ring and introduces himself as her personal stalker."

"I doubt he's that bad! Maybe he just feels sorry for her, since she never leaves the house." The cat girl sips her Coke. "She must be really lonely cooped up in there."

Rose thinks about the witch, seemingly alone in her house, with a strange boy apparently watching her garden to chase off rabble rousers. "It must be really lonely," the girl with the Hair says thoughtfully. "Maybe we should introduce ourselves to her."

"We can bring her cookies!" Squeals the cat girl, flapping her hands and wiggling excitedly.

The one with the glasses observes her disdainfully. "If she is a witch- unlikely by the way, seeing as how magic doesn't exist- then who knows why she doesn't leave her house? She could be evil, you know. And if she isn't a witch, which is pretty obviously the fuckin' case, then she's probably an unsociable bitch. I mean, sure, she's nice to her plants, but we all know how Kar is with his rose tinted glasses."

"Karkat is a great judge of character!" Shouts the cat girl, though her friends give each other doubtful looks.

"Either way," says the glasses one, leaning back in the booth with the self satisfied posture of someone who believes they've won some unknown argument. "She's lived here for months and hasn't said a word to anybody. Clearly she wants to be left alone."

The booth turns to silence, save for the cat girl stirring her Coke with her straw. She and the girl with the Hair look rather crestfallen.

"Well," speaks up the girl with the Hair, throwing a chunk of it back over her shoulder. "Did anyone take notes during History? I watched a documentary about sharks last night and I stayed up all night thinking about how misunderstood they are, so I slept through class."

Rose closes her book and takes out a cloth rag and cleaner from underneath the counter. As she starts wiping tables on the other side of the restaurant, she thinks about a lonely witch in her newly tended garden.

The next morning finds Rose quickly digging through her closet. It's not often she has to make a good impression on people, but for this she feels like a presentable outfit is needed. Eventually she picks a black jumper and a black dress shirt, with black tights and very shiny combat boots with fancy buckles. Smoothing her skirt in the mirror, Rose thinks she looks very witch-like indeed.

Next, she pulls out a book from her mother's library. It's a book she had read many years ago, back when she was young enough to entertain notions such as magic. She opens the book to a page dogeared long ago for reference: Befriending a Witch.

Rose was already quite aware of the steps to this process, as she has memorized then long ago. She still rereads the passage, in order to ensure she follows each step as accurately as possible:

Witches, while craftly and quite dangerous, as extremely useful to have on one's side. They can ensure protection of their friends, and often will take them under their wing as an apprentice. There are many different kinds of witches, and it is important to know what sort of magic the witch you want to befriend practices. To identify the kind of witch you are working with, please see the section How To Identify a Witch, subsection b: Magic Classifications (page 26), and then read below. If you are unsure the type of witch you are befriending, turn to page 47.

Rose considers that the witch could be a botanical specialist, but she doesn't want to make incorrect assumptions. She turns to page forty-seven.

How To Befriend a Witch Whose Magic You Haven't Classified. Like all Humans, witches vary greatly when it comes to ethics and personality. There is no guarantee in befriending one, but there are certain steps one can take to make a good impression on a witch. These steps are:

Present yourself as you are. Making oneself out to be more elaborately dressed, or poorer to mask one's wealthy status, implies to a witch that they are a liar. It is important to dress comfortably and as you usually do, rather than in a way that you assume will impress a witch. They can and will see through any facade.

Provide a consumable offering of goodwill. Most witches enjoy some type of drink, be it tea or wine, and a refreshment of some kind. Preferably one would provide the most valuable food they already own, whatever that may be. For some, it might be cheese. But it is probably not cheese. Choose wisely.

Provide a gift of good quality. This, like the food, should be of the highest value you own. These gifts show them that you regard them with high respect, and that you take them seriously.

Have clear intentions. And be explicit about them! Know what you are to ask of them ahead of time, and state yourself plainly. Take time to think of your answers, and be polite in your delivery.

Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to lie to, deceive, or trick a witch.

Rose closes her book, irritated. Leaving the book on the table beside her chair, she stomps back upstairs to change into her usual t-shirt and jeans.

"Rosie?" A voice calls from the other side of the house, and Rose stops in her tracks. "Oh Roooooosssssiiiiiiieeeeee~"

From around the corner stumbles her mother, a martini glass nearly falling out of her hand. Her eyes dark with makeup she hasn't washed in days, she surveys her daughter's Sabrina-esque outfit. "WELL I wonder what the occasion is for this. I thought- I thought you had the day off? Do you… ooooh! Rosie, do you have a boyfriend?" The glass drops, and her mother flings herself around Rose's shoulders. "Oh, baby you've gotten so big! So big and pretty, and now you're going to… to… leave me and go out with some brute I've never even met."

To Rose's annoyance, her mother begins to cry into her hair. Shushing her, she tries to drag her over to the master bedroom.

"Oh Rose!" She wails, "why didn't you tell me about him? Is it me? Are you ash-ask-ashemembed of me? Askamed? Ashamed? Rose are you ashamed? I'm ashamed."

Rose drops her mother onto the bed, where she turns her head into the pillows and sobs, kicking her feet. "I am not ashamed of you," Rose insists, though not very gently. "I've decided to join a book club, and I'm meeting the members today."

"A book club!" Like a switch, her mother jumps up onto her knees, bouncing slightly. Her makeup runs down her face, and her eyes shine with a mixture of excitement and tears. "Oh baby that's lovely! You- you're going to have so much fun! Wow! I can't wait for you to have, like, friends!"

Rose stares blankly. Her mother looks on in earnest.

"Yes," Rose replies slowly, "I suppose it would be good to have friends. After so long."

"It really has been a long time! I was starting to wonder what I did wrong with you." Ms. Lalonde falls backward, back onto the pillows, and closes her eyes. "Oh Rosie, you'll have such a good time. You'll have to tell me about it when you get back, I'm feeling awfully tired all of the sudden. If you could close the curtains before you leave, it would be absolutely darling of you."

"Of course, mother." Rose rises from the bed, shutting the curtains. As she leaves, she looks back over at her mother, now asleep on the bed while still clad in her high heels. "Would hate for you to face the consequences of being drunk at nine thirty in the morning, now wouldn't we.

Rose slips back into her own bedroom, slumping in front her closed door. "Humiliating," she whispers. "No one around, and yet absolutely humiliating."

The Witch's house is quite recognizable, even if one isn't aware of a witch living there. Just at the edge of the forest, right at the outskirts of town, was an extremely filthy and broken down house with an enormous yard protected by a stone wall and a long gate. Then one day, in April, the house seemed to have had a transformation overnight. The gate is newly painted, and the house, while still not in the best shape, is much cleaner than it has been before. Flowers erupt from the soil, with ivy curling over the outside of the wall, and so much lavender one can hardly see the house form the gate.

Rose dismounts from her bike in front of the wall, unsure of how to secure it. Upon finding the gate unlocked, she cautiously brings it into the garden with her, and leans it against the wall.

"Hey, what are you doing!" A voice calls from beside her.

She turns to see a young man, rather pudgey and somehow swimming in a large black sweater, sitting on the side of the garden wall. Next to him is one of the high school girls she's seen at the diner, her wavy dark brown hair shining brilliantly in the sun behind her.

"Hey, asshole!" The boy calls again. "You can't just waltz in here like you own the fucking place! Someone lives here, you know!"

"Do you live here?" Rose walks closer to the pair, noting the copious amounts of moss littering the wall.

Up close, she finds the boy to be unusual looking, with a rather severe overbite and horribly baggy bright red eyes. He scowls at her. "No, but it's fucking rude anyway. People keep trying to come in here and harass the- the girl who lives here. So- so don't go bother her! Just leave her alone!"

"Unless you are visiting her," says the girl, flipping her hair back and revealing a lovely black velvet choker. "Maybe she's just visiting her. Maybe she's a witch too, Karkat."

"She's not a fucking witch," Karkat spits, looking about ready to crush the wall he's sitting on with his bare hands.

Rose cocks her head. "He's right, I'm not a witch yet. But I am visiting the one who lives here, if you would like to join me."

"Join you?" The girl makes direct eye contact with Rose, smiling in an unnerving way. "Why not? She'll probably have some lunch."

The girl slips down the wall, leaving her friend to stare at her in disbelief. "You're going to just walk in there??"

"Sure!" She starts to walk towards the house, so smoothly she could be floating.

Rose looks back at the boy, offering a hand. "Would you like to see if the witch has lunch?"

He hesitates, and then slips off the wall himself without her help. Rose notes with amusement that he's quite short in stature as he stomps his way over to the front door.

"She's really nice," Karkat calls back to her. "We watch her all the time, and she's really bright and cheerful. If she's a witch, she's probably friendly."

His friend smiles patiently at Rose, and then gestures to the doorbell. "After you."

After 2 rings, the door is opened by someone who doesn't look even remotely like a witch.

They're an adult man, much older than Rose, Karkat, or Karkat's friend. Very tall and thin, he brushes his shaggy hair away from his face, revealing extremely large eyes behind very large glasses. Rose notes his raggedy shirt, which has the poster for an old 1950s horror movie printed on it. He leans against the door and looks down at the three of them, frowning. "And who are you?"

"Pardon us for the intrusion, but are you a witch?" Asks the high school girl, smiling up at him. His eyebrows shoot up, but before he can respond, Karkat explodes.

"DOES HE LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WITCH TO YOU???" He shouts at her, but she doesn't flinch, and continues to stare up at the man in the doorway, unblinkingly.

"...no," the man says, standing up a little straighter. "I am not a witch. Why do you ask? You are looking for witches?"

"There's been rumors that a witch lives here," Rose speaks up. "Karkat here has apparently seen her tending the garden."

Karkat's entire face turns a dark red, and the man narrows his eyes at him. "Is that so," he says. "I've been wondering why kids have been sitting on our wall. Apparently it is to stare at my sister."

"I've been trying to protect the garden," Karkat blurts out. "Other boys kept coming in and kicking the flowers and- and stuff."

The man nods. "That's not very necessary, seeing as how we have a guard dog. Anyway, you've clearly been trespassing in our garden, and I am in the middle of a very important recording session. So I am going to formally ask you to leave, and not come back. If you do come back, I'll call the police, and they will call your parents. Goodbye."

Rose sticks her foot into the door, halting it from being shut. "Wait! What about the guard dog?"

"What about the guard dog?" The man looks at her quizzically, before he looks out into the garden. "Good question. He hasn't driven you out, I suppose."

"Didn't know you had one, actually!" Chirps the other girl.

"Huh." The man opens the door. "That is actually very interesting. You said you are looking for my sister?"

"If she is the one who tends to the garden, then yes." Rose quickly curtsies, and then feels silly for curtsying. She's wearing jeans. "My name is Rose Lalonde, and I would like to discuss witch business with her, please. I brought some refreshments for lunch."

"Witch business," he responds blankly.

"I'm Aradia, and that's my friend Karkat. I go to the high school in town. We don't have any gifts or anything, but I'm very excited to meet your dog." The high school girl also curtsies, which works because she is actually wearing a skirt.

Karkat, still very red, looks behind himself at the gate.

The man considers them for a moment, before standing aside, allowing them to enter the house. Aradia grabs hold of her friend's hand, dragging him in while he yelps. Rose follows behind, and turns to watch the man shut his door. Instead, she finds him calling outside.

"Bec!" He yells. "Bec, come in please!"

A very large white dog scurries through the garden, surprisingly careful of the plants it could trample, before jumping into the house and slobbering all over the man in the doorway. He seems delighted by his dog's actions. "There we go, hey Bec, hey! We have visitors, how come you didn't tell us about the visitors? Come say hi to them?"

Immediately the dog jumps onto Rose, who remembers her lack of experience with animals sans felines. Bec snuffles along her clothes, before getting onto hind his legs and licking her face. Well, Rose thinks, I suppose it's good to let a witch's dog slobber on myself if it helps make a good impression.

Karkat evidently did not feel the same way, actively screaming upon becoming the center of Bec's attention. Aradia received him quite well in comparison.

The man watches on, unblinking, and seemingly uninterested. Once Bec has finished his inspection, he begins to walk steadily down the hallway, motioning for the group (including Bec) to follow him. Rose takes the time to look around the house, which is much better restored than the exterior.

It's a very old house, with ornate carvings on the wooden front door with a brass doorknob, and dark wood paneling on the walls. Lace doilies cover the side tables, which support warm glowing lamps illuminating a few photos on the wall. Rose observes one of Bec and a small girl, holding tightly to his neck.

They are led to a small sitting room, very dark with a large empty fireplace. The trio sit on a large green velvet couch, Rose setting her basket of gifts on the floor beside them.

"I'll be right back, I am going to go collect my sister now." The man leaves, his dog following. Rose considers his dictation, and the juxtaposition of the old fashioned elaborately decorated house and his filthy novelty t-shirt.

The minute he has left the room, Karkat begins to harshly whisper. "Megido, this is freaky as fuck! What the hell sort of haunted mansion bullshit is this, where the hell was that dog hiding??"

"He's probably a familiar," Aradia responds calmly, as if that information would cease her friend's worries.

"What do you think of the man?" Asks Rose, keeping her eye on the door. "He seems odd, doesn't he? He looks like he just stepped out of an old comic book shop, and he said something about a recording session. Is he a musician?"

"Who cares!" Karkat bites his nail, his eyes darting around the room. "I'm seriously so fucking creeped out. Why are you so calm??"

"Why are you so upset? You said she's nice." Aradia flips her hair again.

Karkat groans. "I have a terrible judge of character. Everyone knows that. I have a terrible judge of character, and now I'm going to be murdered and fed to a dog by some geeky fuck who probably listens to They Might Be Giants."

"What's wrong with They Might Be Giants?"

Before he can answer, the door slams open and reveals a tall girl with the longest and wildest hair Rose has ever seen. Her rainbow skirt trails on the floor, where her dog happily jumps around her combat boots. She runs into the room, immediately grabbing Rose's hand to vigorously shake it.


End file.
